I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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