Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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