Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
