She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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