Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
You are the jesus of drinking
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
