i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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