I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
