I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
God, I missed his penis.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
