4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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