did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
