ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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