Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
