I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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