i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
