Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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