U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
