Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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