On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
