Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
