"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
