ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
