The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Randomize