apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
