He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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