Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
