You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
