its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
