just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Will you blow on my dice?
The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize