I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
