...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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