Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
