Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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