Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
