We're facebook friends in real life
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
