I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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