I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
