Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
When are your genitals available?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
