he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
