i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Randomize
