you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
