You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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