He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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