The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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