I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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