Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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