Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
