Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
