my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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