I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
