Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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