Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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