Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
