dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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