o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
