Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
what day is it and did you see me today?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
