so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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