ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
