He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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