Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
