what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
