idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
