i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My dad is sitting where you rode me
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
