so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
