Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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