So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
