Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
In other news, I just burned my penis
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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