I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
