So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
