first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
