i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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