Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
